I woke up at around 4 AM, just as my alarm was about to go off. Surprisingly, my body felt fully rested. My mind, however, was shaken from my catastrophizing the night before about missing my 7 PM bedtime routine.
I feared not showing up the best for my morning routine the next day.
The night before, I was lying in bed laughing hysterically at random goofy TikTok videos with my husband. Suddenly, I noticed the time displayed on the clock at the top of his phone.
“Oh no, it’s already 9 PM!” I exclaimed.
I quickly tucked myself under the covers and turned away from the phone’s bright light. My husband chuckled at me hiding under the covers, put his phone away, and snuggled close while pulling me even closer until we both fell asleep.
Although I had hoped for eight hours of sleep, I was content with less than seven hours after a drastic change in our daily routine the day before.
Our typical Monday routine was completely different, something my neurodivergent brain sometimes struggles to cope with.
After being diagnosed as neurodivergent as an adult, I established a routine to support my mind and body. My elementary school resource specialist was instrumental in teaching me routine as a student. Organizing my backpack daily with her before the start of my school day and checking homework progress gave me a routine and some control despite not being diagnosed…even while being a special education student with an IEP.
Our morning routine in my home is a great way to connect, care for the brain, exercise, harvest veggies from the garden, meditate, pray, and prepare for the day ahead. It’s also a way to ensure that we don’t have to use the small amount of time after work to bond, laugh, and vibe.
I find the world most peaceful while everyone is asleep and I’m with my favorite person. So rising early just does it for me.
I woke up this morning and followed my usual routine, which included movement, a book, a meditation session with my sister and homegirl, and an episode of one show with my love.
Since yesterday was not a typical day, my husband, a special education teacher and resource specialist, prepared our lunches and tidied up the kitchen.
When I walked into the kitchen after he harvested fresh endive lettuce from the garden, it reminded me of the sweet exchange of community and love. Those we help in community have and are helping us in return, creating a beautiful cycle of giving and receiving that is not calculated but lived out naturally…organically.
I used to push past my anxiety about change by doing more. I used to attempt to do everything on my own in the morning and follow a strict routine without realizing that my love of routine was causing me to ignore my body’s needs for space, connection, movement, or rest. I also needed to recognize others’ needs to show up for me in community. I needed to unlearn me being the unrealistic stream of continual service and support.
My grandmother was an early riser like me, continually serving and supporting others before sunrise. She would wake up before everyone else, remove everyone’s clothes from the line, and make her hazelnut coffee while the adults and children in our tiny shotgun apartment in north Oakland were still asleep. I think she did this to have time for herself before caring for more of everyone else’s needs throughout the day.
I had no energy to show up like my Granny this morning.
Yesterday was a fun, exciting, and busy day, but it took me months of preparation to get ready for it. The emotional preparation was more draining than the actual day itself….lol
In the past, I used to feel guilty and unaware of how changes in my routine affected me. I thought I was dropping the ball for needing more rest, recovery, and solitude.
Acknowledging my need for rest and support doesn’t make me weak. Instead, it affirms im not the same little runaway seeking community through my works and service.
My grandmother needed a break from her daily routine sometimes, and I honor her memory not just by leaving her favorite cold drink on my altar but by not trying to take all the clothes off the line myself. I have her work ethic, but I also have support that is committed to refreshing each other.
It took me three months to grow 15 sections of full & fluffy heads of endive lettuce. Watching J wash and prepare it in a ice bath for our lunch was healing. I sowed the seeds, watered and tended to their growth and my love harvested and prepared a full meal with it.…..my granny would say…some sow..some water…the creator gets the glory for it all.
I hope she knows how much her story..her glory is helping me. My grandmother’s memory inspires me to honor the importance of self-care and support in community.
May we remember to refresh but also be open and humble enough to be refreshed.